Amharic Yenta Sisterhood

Yenta - Yiddish - Meddler, gossiper, meddlesome, busybody, nuisance. Mostly Judaic and female. (from the Urban Dictionary)

Back to this Ethiopian Party, there was a group of about six mature Eth women and they wanted to meet all the adopted children and their parents. Out of respect, and believing we may learn some important cultural things, we parents complied.

Two of the women stroked and stroked and stroked the hair on Marin's and Emmy's head.
Yenta (frown on her face): Who does this hair?
Colleen: I have it done professionally about every second month and I do the daily routine.
Yenta (still frowning): Hmmmmmm.........this is not a good job.
Colleen: What do you mean?
Yenta (now smug): It is not how I would do it.
Yenta (asking another Yenta): What do you think of this hair?
Other Yenta (shakes head and clucks tongue): Such a shame because her hair could be so beautiful if the mother did it correctly.

Holy Cow! I really wish Seinfeld were still airing because I would submit this script! Anyone who knows Colleen knows she spends way way way too much time and money on our girls hair. I didn't know whether to laugh my butt off at the ridiculousness or cry for Colleen because I knew it must be killing her to hear this nonsense.

So the next day, Colleen was on the phone comparing notes with the other adoptive mothers.

One mother was scolded for picking her daughter up to hold her too often (remember these are orphans who often suffer abandonment anxieties).
Yentas: What are you doing? You should not hold her so much. You will ruin that child. Let her cry. Let her learn to do by herself. She does not need you hovering over her all the time. You are a smother mother. Go relax somewhere, drink your wine, and nothing will happen to your child.

Another mother was lectured because her daughter was not particularly eager to return to Ethiopia for a homeland visit.
Mother: Well, my daughter was very hungry in Ethiopia and she was worked very hard. Her memories of Eth are not that pleasant.
Yentas: She is playing you. African children are very clever. Do not believe her. Somebody was whispering in her ear before she came here. She was coached what to say and what not to say. You must get to the bottom of these lies or you are not a good mother. You come see us in a few months and tell us what you have learned. If you have learned nothing, then we will figure this out for you.


So, fair warning to all you adoptive parents, if you encounter the Amharic Yenta Sisterhood, make sure you have taken your self- esteem supplements beforehand. And before you take even one work of their advice, post on your adoption yahoo group or chatroom to make sure you get the reall skinny from other adoptive parents. Good luck to all.

Firrst day back at work

Colleen's FMLA leave ended on Monday. Ever since last Friday, she has been running around like a crazy lady all stressed out about how she was going to balance everything and be ready to transition back into her job. It has taken a toll on us all.

So I take the kids to daycare and as soon as we get inside the foyer they just go crazy. Running around in circles, flapping there arms, shaking their heads, and babbling nonsense. It was like some coked out witch doctor doing a rain dance or something.

When they finally paused to catch their breath, I asked them what they are doing. They said "Mommy doing go to work".

First snowman

Here it is mid April and we are still getting snowstorms. The good news is it stays light until 7:30 or later, so I can play outside with the girls after work.

Today we got 8 fresh inches of moist sticky snow. I was so excited about getting home and building a snowman with the girls. We did the best we could with them insisting that I not help. Stuck a few facial features on and a few sticks for arms. Added my hat and mittens, and viola, snowman.

The girls are calling it "Tinman". I look at Colleen like - huh? Colleen explains she and Grammy had introduced the kids to the Wizard of Oz while I was at work one day. And Grammy has this three foot tin man made out of coffee cans, which the girls really enjoy.

So Tinman it is.

The girls want to kiss the tinman, hug it, have photos taken with it. Meron built it a little snow toilet in which to go 'po-potty'. A little too realist for me.

Fast forward an hour and we're putting the girls to bed. They are all upset that the tinman will be outside alone all night. They insist on going to the window to blow him a kiss and leave the outside light on so he will not be in the dark all night.

Becoming the woman I loathe

You may not realize this because Colleen is usually a genuinely sweet and kind person, but in her private moments she was a vocal critic of women who hired nannies and housekeepers, especially if those women were stay at home moms. My how the tables turn.

After less than a week with Meron and Emnet, Colleen and I both knew 100% we needed a day Nannie. I did not even flinch. So those of you who know me can appreciate how serious this need is. It is the ultimate necessary expense. Nannie started yesterday.

So last night, on my commute home, I called Colleen's Mom to ask if she had visited that day and what she thought of the new Nannie. My mother in law replied "I didn't get to spend much time with the Nannie because the cleaning lady was making too much noise." Mind you, a cleaning lady had never been a topic of discussion in our house.

Later last night I told Colleen "Your Mother made the strangest remark today." and repeated the above story. Colleen had that total "I been busted" look on her face. I said "Colleen. Of course you realize you have become the woman you always despised." Between her laughter and her tears she said " I know. I know. I just can't believe it."