Adoption Trip Day 3 Sun Feb 4

We awoke at 5AM today for the drive to the birth village in Awassa. On the road by 6. It is amazing how alive Africa is at 6AM on a Sunday Morning. The roads are clogged with people, bikes, goats, donkeys, cattle, chickens, dogs, trucks and busses. It is like a circus.

Our driver, Solomon, arrives in this huge shiny maroon land cruiser. It is totally pimped. Pete is especially psyched because he loves to go four wheeling.

Solomon navigates the clogged roads for the next 4 hours. He uses his horn about 30 times for each time he taps the brakes. One quick toot means "No way am I slowing down". One long toot means "I know you're bigger than me, but I won't back down". Solomon just barrels down these narrow roads, dodging and weaving, and missing untold obstacles by mere nanometers. It is harrowing.

We saw dozens of road kills - mostly dogs, but also goats and donkeys. I was laying down heavy odds that we would witness a fatality, but we did not.

Midway we stopped at a game park. We saw gazelle, ostrich, and warthog. The scenery was gorgeous and we explored an area of hot springs. I mean really hot springs, that burn to the touch.

Finally we arrive in Awassa at the office of our social worker and interpreter, then on to meet the birth family of Meron and Emnet. The route followed a fairly major paved and divided highway, then turned abruptly left on to a narrow, wet and muddy alley road. The family homestead is about 100 yards down the alley on the left.

It is a postage stamp size lot fenced in with scrap wood and tin. Inside the gate was an L-shaped building along the rear and right walls. Inside the courtyard was a cook shed, chicken pen, vegetable garden, water tub to wash clothes, and a few lines for drying. The Aunt lived in the room at the elbow of the L.

Inside was a tiny room, painted blue, with a high ceiling, stone floor, and one window that could be closed with wooden shutters. The walls were bare except for a few bible verses written in Amharic and a framed photo of the Aunt when she was younger.

The Aunt was seated in a plain wood chair and invited us to sit on a bench. We showed her the photo album we had assembled for her. She smiled when she saw Meron, and commented that she had filled out enough to be barely recognizable. She smiled when she saw the picture of Emnet on the potty, commenting that Emnet had become really smart since going to the orphanage.

The interpreter read the letter we had written for the Aunt. Her facial expression was some blend of tired, resignation, and relief as she listened. Colleen and I held her hands almost the entire visit. She was as graceful and dignified as one could be given the situation.

During the visit we met Uncle Yebeletal (brother of your father), cousin Petros (his son), and cousin Hamnet (daughter of the Aunt). We learned your Father was a grower of barley, wheat, and almonds - and your Mother was a homesteader focused on being a good wife and mother.

Our visit lasted about 30 minutes, but I could have stayed for hours. There are so many questions I wanted to ask because I believe M&E will ask me some day. The social worker asked me to be sensitive and limit my questions to a few simple ones.

We drove away with a feeling of sadness and pity for this poor family, and a feeling of relief that the visit had been as positive as it was. I took a GPS reading of the plot in the event that M&E ever want to visit again.

Adoption Trip Day Two. Sat Feb 3

We awoke at the crack of dawn to the sound of Mosque chanting. I forgotten that Addis is half Muslim and we would hear this daily.

Awesome breakfast. Very heavy on ultra ripe mangoes, which I love.

Next we are escorted up the hill to the older kids house. It is behind an unmarked concrete wall and iron gate. You could never find this place nor recognize what it is, and that is intentional for security purposes.

Now inside, it is quiet. We can see many kids inside a glassed porch across the courtyard. Colleen and I are about a nanometer away from bursting into tears. The anticipation is killing us and it is so emotional.

The social worker holds our arms to pause us and says "I just want to warn you, the girls are very tiny. Much smaller than the photos indicate. I am telling you now so you won't be surprised when you see them."

Finally, Nanny Esegedich appears with Emnet, hands Emnet to Colleen, and explains to Emnet who Colleen is. Then Meron. Colleen and Meron are both dressed head to toe in the same shade of pink. It is a hilarious coincidence. Meron flashed her beautiful smile and clutched at Colleen. Esegedich told Meron we are Emama and Baba. Meron smiled and nodded her head yes.

The girls are really petite. There is no doubt they are only ages 2 and 4. Their limbs are so thin, almost fragile. The girls relaxed a bit as we gently stroked their faces and permitted them to touch our faces.

We spent the rest of the AM playing with all the kids. Soccer, singing, dancing, etc. The kids are so lovable. The kids we are most drawn to (other than our own) are:

Lidet and Abaynish - two sisters aged 3 and 5 going to New Hampshire

Adbit - a beautiful girl of about 10, mildly crippled by Polio, and possibly going to Atlanta

Yohannes and Rowina - of course. We came close to adopting them ourselves, and I had already nicknamed them Jay and Nina. This is a wonderful brother sister pair.

Mimi - an adorable 4 year old going to Connecticut. A total spitfire. I hope her family is prepared!

Nathaniel - a great six year old who loves all things camera, electronic, and gadget.

Rahel and Abram - Another brother/sister pair that are beautiful, smart, fun, and athletic.

Tizita - an adorable little girl of about 3 years old going to the Syracuse area.


After lunch, Pete and I went to Merkato. I had not planned to buy, but found myself wanting to buy pieces of the girls heritage to put in their room and give them a bond to their homeland. Clothes, carvings, paintings, tableware, music CDs. Spend away!!!!!!! What I loved about Merkato was the herds of goals and donkeys barrelling down the wide streets and narrow alleys. It was total pandemonium.

Late in the day we went back to the older kids house. Meron ran to us and Emnet ran away. She kept looking back over her shoulder and laughing, so we hope she was just playing.

A brief description of the orphanage. It is clean with lots of adult supervision, good discipline, and routines. During one visit, a truckload of new orphans arrived. The poor kids looked so frightened. They were immediately given a bath and clean clothes. THen they had blood drawn for tests, then they had lunch.

I have to say, every kid at HH is beautiful and fun. There is not one child here that I would refuse to adopt.

Adoption Trip Day One

Our first taste of Ethiopia comes in the departure lounge of Ethiopian Airlines at Dulles airport. There are many women in shawls and veils, many young children, and one particularly beautiful young girl with beads in her lovely braided hair. Several Ethiopians thank us and give us their blessing for saving two of their children and keeping sisters together (that's actually what they say).

On the airplane now, over the cold dark Atlantic, I find myself totally staring at all the Ethiopian women and wondering which ones my girls will grow up to look like. It is fun to play this imagination game.

After 30 hours of travel, we arrive in Addis and collect 3 of our 6 checked bags.

Mulat and Eskedar met us at Bole and drove us to Horizon House. Sinadu had heaping plates of chicken and pasta waiting for us. There are dozens of photos of previously adopted children on the walls. We recognize some of them like Dawit, Samuel, Bill and Michelle, and the Mannion twins. Note to future travellers. Have the latest info on previously adopted children living in your area because the staff adore hearing about the kids they once cared for.

There are huge portraits of Brad, Angelina, and Zahara on the wall. This is the first we knew that Angelina used HH to adopt. Lo and behold, Colleen and I have booked the Brangelina suite. Sweet!! Huge room. Sliders to the balcony overlooking the entrance yard. Huge master bath with huge tub.

Sleep well. Tomorrow we meet our daughters.

Why did we choose Ethiopia??

We get asked that question so often now that I want to post a response here. Be forewarned. This could get lengthy and philosophical.

Truthfully, we entered the adoption arena with the intention of adopting a little Asian girl - with a focus on China, Korea, and Phillipines. We did not even know there was an Ethiopia program. But as we learned more about the requirements of different countries, and as we become more convinced we should take a sibling pair, we began to think in different ways.

For example:

• We scratched China because we cannot get siblings there.
• Phillipines scratched us because Colleen is not Catholic
• We scratched Russia because we think its unreasonable to be required to travel to meet your children, then not be able to take them home.
• India scratched us because we had never been to a fertility clinic.
  

We finally narrowed our countries down to Ethiopia and Guatemala. Then we considered the behavior of officials in the host country, our future life stories, and our friends.

We thought about how we would answer our children when they ask inevitable questions around "Why my country? Why me?" We have a good story for Ethiopia. We have travelled to Africa three times already and we sponsor an orphanage in Tanzania (www.goodhopechildren.org). We demonstrated that we cared for Africa before contemplating adoption there. We believe we have a great answer to our childrens question when it is asked.

While living in Pennsylvania and Connecticut, we befriended many blacks. They welcomed us, invited us to their churches, their community events, their family gatherings, their celebrations, and their grievings. Some of them are still among our very best friends and we believe they always will be. On the other hand, we have little exposure to the Hispanic community.

We considered the behavior of officials in the host countries. For example, we saw two beautiful Guatemalan twins, about 3 years old, come available. We immediately called to inquire. We were told to 'get in line' and the cost was about $47,000. I asked why so much, when an Ethiopian sibling pair costs about $16,000. The explanation I was given is there are more layers of lawyers and bureacrats to be satisfied in Guatemala. I interpret this as corruption and feather bedding.

We are obligated to take a stand against such obviously self serving behavior. It is even more outrageous when I consider the fact that Hanley Denning, a woman who graduated from the same college as me, is breaking her neck in Guatemala to save the kids that live off pickings in the Guatemala City municipal dump (www.safepassage.org) . Meanwhile, the educated class, who ought to know better, is treating a humanitarian crisis as its personal Fort Knox. I have no tolerance for such injustice, and will take opportunities to put a spotlight on it when I see it.

This incident convinced us that the Ethiopians are in the game to save their children. They do not view adoption as a currency generator. They do not impose unreasonable demands on adoptive families. They are making a very painful decision to do the right thing for the right reason. Our values are fully aligned with the Ethiopian way of thinking.

As we got more serious about Ethiopia, we became even more pleased with warmth and closenes of the program. For example, the families all adopt from the same orphanage. So it is a really close knit group back in the US. People who traveled before us sent photos. And we will take photos for families traveling behind us. Our kids will get to see the kids they grew up with in the orphanage. That is pretty unusual in international adoptions.

So, as you can see, I can get on a rant when I believe the priveleged are taking outrageous advantage of the misfortune of others.

The Members of Travel Group 33

I think Colleen and I are going to be called Grams and Gramps with this crew. I can tell because some of them use their date or year of birth in their email addresses. You know, like ibootyliscious1982@yoohoo.com or sixpackabs1984@yeehaa.com Puhleeeez.

Helen and Jeff live in Ohio. They are adopting sibling brothers ages 1 and 2.

Scott and Michele live in Long Island, NY. They are adopting a son who will celebrate his first birthday while we all are in Addis. Hmmm. Remind me to get him a Red Sox cap as a gift to ward off any predisposition to the Yankees.

Tim and Alicia live in Colorado. They are adopting siblings (I think brothers because they already have daughters).

Jeff and Meg live in the Red Sox Nation of New Hampshire. They are adopting sibling sisters ages 3 and 5. Hey, they'll be in the big kids house with us, and they only live an hour away! This could be the start of something lasting.

Bringing up the rear in our wheelchairs, yup, me and Colleen. Now don't you be mouthing off there sonny or I'll whap you in the head with me cane.

Unfortunately, it seems none of these families are on the same outbound flight as we are. Bummer. So what's cool about this group is 4 of the 5 families are adopting sibling pairs. Think about that. That is so kind hearted and, I am told, unusual. I have a good feeling about this group.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

The Waiting is the Hardest Part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to heart
The Waiting is the Hardest Part
- Tom Petty

Visit to Wide Horizons Waltham

We contacted Wide Horizons to tell them we have some unused luggage allowance and offered to use it to carry donations to Addis. WH was psyched because they have lots of donated stuff and it is prohibitively expensive to ship.

I met Marianne and Erica in the basement of the Waltham office. The donations store room is about the size of a one car garage. All the walls and a row down the middle are lined with floor to ceiling storage shelves. And all the shelves are chock a block full with clothing, shoes, games, first aid stuff, vitamins, diapers, toys, etc. etc.

What's interesting is how parochial the donors are about their donations. A lot of the boxes are labeled in the donors handwriting with labels like "Only for the Phillipines" "Send to China Only" "For use in Addis only" and stuff like that. I interpret this as a sign of how loyal and grateful the families are to the facility that cared for their adopted child before the adoptive parent could gain custody. It is uplifting to witness the depth of stewardship obligation the families feel toward their childs homeland or specific orphanage.

So for you who labeled your goods "Addis only", we are fulfilling your wishes. We will carry several packages of diapers; a huge box full of kids shoes; two shopping bags full of chewable vitamins, pedialite, and topical antibacterial; several childrens games, toys, and puzzles; and a box full of kids clothes.